There is a book the basically says in 300 pages what I believe about community and family. The book is Bowling Alone : The Collapse and Revival of American Community by Robert D. Putnam. Putnam starts with the idea that there used to be ways to connect in American society for one bowling leagues. My parents talk about church and grange halls being places that they spent their time growing up. As society has changed, so is how our society relates.

Putnam talks about his experience with a new sense of community with friends. When our society became more mobile, people started losing the immediate geography of family. So in their new locations, they often form “families”. This can be seen in many small city churches (including my own to an extent) and other gatherings of people. I had a wonderful experience of family while in Mennonite Voluntary Service. (I will need to share about that experience in another entry someone of time.) However, the lessons I learned through my VS experience, I learned that family is something bigger than biology.

So I still identify with this idea because Chris, Jim, Melissa, Casey, Nadia and Eric along with Joslyn and Gabriel are my family. These are the people I can just be me…the folks that function like a family. I don’t need to clean up my feelings for them, and maybe just clean my house a little when they come over. These are the people that I can impose on, without really imposing. I worry if I am being a good aunt to Joslyn and Gabriel, and a good sister to my sisters and brothers. The picture of a group of people is from family vacation last spring of all of us together. I am a member of this family just as if it is my own.

This family doesn’t negate my biological family. Mom, Dad, Betsy and the rest of the crew that I am related too are amazingly wonderful. Instead, my idea of family is just open to others.

The issue is language for my family. In my friend family, we use the term “family” pretty often. We use terms like aunt, uncle, brother, sister with each other. I love feeling that these people are relationship with me through language. The problem becomes when I talk about my nephew outside that circle and the person says, “wow, when did Betsy have a baby.” Not that I won’t be absolutely elated when Betsy has a child…(as she will probably will be) But, rather I wish I could come up with an equally familiar feeling term for these people who know me as a member of family. Any suggestions?

The other issue for society here is that the acknowledgement of the importance of these families. I am not the only one who has one of these families – as Putnam is attesting too in Bowling Alone. I often tell people when I am missing something, that I have a “family engagement” and people look at me like “Your family lives in Ohio….” Yes, my parents live in Ohio but I have these wonderful people who care for me and I care for them right here in Chicago. These are the people that I will take a day off if one of them is sick, or need to skip a meeting to get to the The Wiz. So while I strongly believe a lot of society (or at least the 20 somethings and 30 somethings) have these new families, as a society we haven’t allowed them to be acknowledged.

I have hope that society won’t be bowling alone much longer and break into a new understanding of community, family and love.