Where I was

 Jan 1, 2012 -

I don't remember exactly but I was three days from finding out I was pregnant...having a hard time being a mom to the kids in my home, and feeling a bit overwhelmed.

Hashtag

If 2012 was a hastag what would it be?

#godshapingamomoutofme

Giving up (stuff)

What did I give up?

Tomatoes - that was not fun - what's summer without a good tomato?
The need to not delegate - oh, the gift of pregnancy

Who surprised you?

Jade, Chris, Jim, Mattie, Benjamin R and my Benjamin
Dr. MacDuff, Oreon, Naomi, Eileen, and Nadia

Time spent

Where did I spend my time?
Oh, at work....for sure.  But I lot of time on maternity leave was spent at home too.

I made...

Obviously, a baby…

But less obviously, breakfasts for 75 people, probably 30 or so loaves of bread, binders of information, more binders, a new respect for a couple of people,  a reflection room at work, reservations, flavored water, a Pinterest account, soup, money.

I am so proud of my sister's new brick and mortar store after years of building a customer base at farmer's markets - that we made this meme for the opening.  I am planning for Benjamin's first ever cake experience to be at the store - not anytime soon! 

Gifts, given and recieved

I was given the gift of learning that I can’t do it all, a limit, and people to lovingly help remind me of that.

I was given the gift of loving enough to let go.

I was given the gift of Benjamin – and the gift of seeing people care for him that I never would have imagined, the gift of reinvention of family through him, and the financial gift of maternity leave from work.

I gave the gift of life – that sounds high and mighty – but I did.

I gave a gift of a Pandora charm to someone who really really wanted it as a token of my utmost appreciation for her.

I gave the gift of listening to several and gave hugs to others.

What did I learn?

I learned:

Importance of feeling at home with some people, but not all; what morning sickness is all about, and the incredible feeling of belonging

Importance of delegation, the high I get from empowering others, and how to parent a teenager

That I stop learning when I am overwhelmed, and how to find time to read when a baby is in the house

How to date my husband again, and that sometimes leaving work at work is amazing

How Benjamin is soothed by me singing musical scales, and how many people want to talk and hold a baby even if they don’t know me

How much I never knew I wanted a home and how much I was willing for fight for all the children in my home

How to breastfeed, where to find contact paper at the store, and how to cook for a month without a stove.

How much of life is gut reaction, and how to stare at my baby for hours

New Guy

Who came into your life in 2012?

This little guy:

Decisions

What was the best decision I made?

Not sure.  Maybe hire Jade, maybe buy the house we bought, maybe the name of my son, maybe trusting that something good would come, maybe saying “Sure, I will try doing it that way…”

Anger

While I can usually write my feelings better than saying them – I am still so angry about my angry moment that I am not sure I can actually express them here. 

What I will say – I saw racist behavior this year that was horrific and I am angry that behaviors still exist and more upset that I didn’t do more to stop it.

\

Where did you see God?

When did you see God ?

Oh Lots…

I saw God in the work of a friend who goes beyond what anyone would expect to feed his neighbors. 

In DOOR participants

In church folks

In our interim pastor, mediating conflicts and helping our church create our new identity

In Holland, MI

In Benjamin looking at me, like I know what to do as a mother to an infant. J

Me Whimsical?

What’s the most whimsical/spontaneous/ridiculous thing you did?

I often would pick up the boys from daycare and take them to McDonald’s playland.  Their excitement for such things was amazing.  (This category should be my growing edge for 2013.)

Struggle

When did I struggle?

  Living with friends for a couple months.  I struggled not because I didn’t appreciate the company or the gesture of letting us live there during the first two months of Benjamin’s life – but because it wasn’t on the west side near “our” post office, church, “our” bank, “our” places to eat.  The good part of it all was realizing how much our community meant to us.

·       

  Morning Sickness.  ‘Nuf Said.

·        

 Knowing when to say enough is enough in several circumstances that should not be mentioned in a public forum – when is the appropriate time to throw in the towel.

·          

 Knowing how many of pregnancy struggles – both the physical ones and the emotional ones to share with those around me. 

·          

Saying goodbye to our foster family.

·       

  Getting broken into several times over the summer leaving us feeling unsafe to stay in that apartment and having a contract for a house but having awhile inbetween and that inbetween be when we were supposed to bring a child into the world.

·      

   Explaining why people should still come to Chicago even with the nationally publicized violence.