I got a ovation for getting married tonight....I didn't really enjoy it. I mean, why do I deserve applause for getting married. Did I not deserve applause for being single?

A lot of my identity is really wrapped up in being a radical God girl - in a sense being married to God - a crazy nun, per se. When I get all this attention for getting married, I feel like I want to run and be nun girl again. Jim knows this already - nothing new.

It seems it is hard to get so completely knocked out in wedding stuff in such ways that it negates my life before. I am great the way I am, married or not. Single people should start throwing parties every couple years like receptions - fun and non-threatening!

You go single people!

walmart

GO New York City!

Wedding Stuff

So yesterday....

We signed a lease together, we bought a marriage license, and sent the invitations...

wow - this marriage thing is for real.....I am excited, scared, in love, and crazy!

stressed out

I am re-reading Diary of a Mad Bride right now. I remember thinking it was a funny book whenever I was asked to be a bridesmaid - but now I almost die laughing.

I think I may have had the worst week at work ever and on top of it stuff for my impending wedding kept coming up and my emotional hormones were on the loose....I don't think I have ever been this stressed out. Luckily, Jim still wants to marry me - no matter how stressed out I was last week. The weekend proved to allievate some of that stress and hopefully this week will be better!

I watched Fast Food Nation this afternoon....wow....disturbing cycle of injustice...so I was looking up some information on fast food...found this article.

How should I think about this?

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17707007/?GT1=9145

Bridezilla

The other night Jim and I rented Bridezilla - the TV series. REALLY FUNNY! However, I think it gave me some ideas of how to panic. Last night, I had a freak out moment. "We aren't going to have everything done, so why try" "I am a failure" "Why the heck are you marrying me?" all came up....

One realization that I have made during this planning a wedding stage...if the guy sticks around during that....they are saints! Another realization is that there are things that I am supposed to know just because I am a bride. I don't remember the class called Wedding 101 - I would take it if they offered by the way. However, when I suggest what I want to people - they have started to say, wow..so you are bucking the tradition. Well, there are some things that I know I am bucking...intentionally. However, most things I don't even know I am standing in direct opposition to the traditional way.

My parents raised me to be different, independent, free thinking. I am grateful. I am glad the wedding is going to include video game music most likely for Jim and Spirituals for me. I am glad that I am writing the ceremony...I am glad I want to do things differently. Why is that so hard for people to accept?

Ok, that is my bridezilla moment. I may have more, but after rewatching several episodes this morning while working on some stuff - I hope not.

Reflection

I wrote this for a news release for the Church of the Brethren:

I admit it. I had a stereotype about people working for peace. I thought “they” had it all together. I am glad I am wrong.

While I was on the January 2007 Christian Peacemaker Teams delegation to Hebron, I heard lots of people’s stories. Some people were in political power, others were in Israel, others in Palestine, and others were just people who were living their lives. I saw a glimpse of what life might be like if I lived under occupation. I saw people’s care for me; and I heard the cry to help carry their stories to my friends, family, and country. I learned that many Palestinians are living peacefully and trying to resist the occupation just by living out their day. Not all is perfect, but they work for peace anyway.

While we were in Jerusalem, we met with Michael Swartz, a representative from Rabbis for Human Rights. This organization brings voice to human rights violations that are happening in Palestine. I not only liked what the organization did, but I found hope in Michael because he didn’t seem to have it all together.

Michael is quite fond of the Wall, quite one-sided on several tension issues that we had previously heard an opposite view and has some racist attitudes. While I didn’t always agree with his perspective, I really was thankful for him. He was the first speaker that, in my opinion, didn’t have it all figured out. He works at a human rights organization and has the ground work lain for his social justice perspective – but sometimes other stuff gets in the way. Biases pop up; a brother’s friend gets killed by terrorists; understandings of the real issues get bound up. His realness was refreshing to me. I may want to grow up to be other people that I met in Palestine but I can be Michael now – I don’t have it all together but I can try.

Michael helped me realize the importance of being in the struggle. There will always been the person to look up too. Dorothy Day and Mother Teresa come to mind. Maybe they really did have it all together, but the average peacemaker, like me and Michael, we have issues, biases and even are wrong sometimes. We are a part of the process of peace. Thanks to Michael and others, I realize that I too can work for peace.

Pasta, Lots of Pasta

Yesterday, I took 12 junior highers to the Food Depository. We were each given a job and ended up piling up 3200 pounds of food - pasta actually.

I love going to the Food despository. Its hard work, and yet at the end you always see what got done. Many days I go home from work (or at least stop working at home) and I feel I haven't got anything done - I did really - I talked to people, I went to meetings, I saw the important event downtown - but to see something like that...I love it. We all need things that we see get done.

I guess, by that logic, I should enjoy doing dishes for the same reason. However, I don't...and probably never will. I am so glad that Jim can tolerate it.

Perched

Here is the promised picture of Bandit and Socks

What God requires of those who call on God's name is responsive servanthood. God wishes to act in and through us, so Christian hope does not relieve men and women of responsibility. We are not primarily responsible for shrewd analysis of problems, for strategic selection of means, for maximizing the chances of success. We are primarily responsible for turning to God, for attempting to know and do God's will. That well may lead us into actions which are not shrewd, strategic, or successful, as the life of Jesus suggests. But as Jesus' life demonstrates, human action which is faithful to God's will can have transforming effect.
- Parker Palmer

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
- Philip K. Dick

Hebron reflection

By Abigail Ozanne

Recently the soldiers arrested a Palestinian journalist for taking pictures.
The soldiers grabbed him, handcuffed and blindfolded him, and led him away.
I expressed how sorry I was to his brother. The brother replied, "This is our life." He said that at different times in the past Israeli forces had shot, beaten, and arrested him.

Last month, after I was present in a situation where soldiers beat two men--one to unconsciousness, tear-gas everyone in an enclosed space, and arrest several people, including the journalist, I said what a terrible day it had been. Our Palestinian neighbor answered, "This is our life."

I am a member of the Undoing Racism Working Group in CPT. Through this work, I have become more aware of my unearned privilege as a white American. In Palestine this means that I am asked for my ID less. The soldiers cannot arrest me although police can. The soldiers are not likely to beat me. If I am arrested, I do not need to fear being tortured. I am allowed to go most places in the West Bank. Soldiers are less likely to invade our home. If they do invade, they are not likely to ransack it. If I am hurt, arrested, or killed, the international community will say that it is wrong.The racist Israeli military control of the West Bank and Gaza does not grant the Palestinians we work with any of these privileges.

As I go about my work, I seek to stand with the oppressed and dare to be vulnerable. I try to listen to our Palestinian partners and friends about their experiences. I try to understand. And I acknowledge that what I experience is only a portion of the suffering Palestinians experience. I have privileges here not shared by the majority of the population. Additionally, at the end of my time in Palestine, I can go home. For the Palestinians, this is their life.

Wedding Chaos

So, I got my first wedding/shower gifts this past weekend - 10 place settings and some cute sleepwear.

I worked on details for the wedding. We worked on combining bank accounts, bought a bed, and really started moving in stuff not just the cat. I am offically a fiance!