Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Tights and a skirt

I often get looks at the airport. It happened again today.
I am fairly good about dressing up for the airport anymore – more professional, mainly because I am usually off to a meeting or some other event that I need to look nice. I usually think that is fake me. I am really the pjs and t-shirt girl, but I can dress up and act the part.
When I am not dressed up – today’s jeans and pullover would be an example, I feel more at home with myself and yet I get the looks.
“Uh, you need to go in that line, lady” was the line at the checkin today.
“No..you can’t come this way.” was the line at the security gate.
Both times, I was right. I have my “I’m special at Southwest ‘cause I fly a lot” card to get me through both the check-in line and a different security line. I am used to being mistaken for a misguided college student and just going with it. Though, today, the security line was really long….so I asked the woman at the security line…”if I show you my card, can I go in that line?” “Oh, yes, maam…I am sorry”, she said, as she let me in the short line.
I could talk about how young folks (or looking young folks) have to prove themselves, or talk about the misjudging that happens in our society for people of color. All good topics, all good journal and blog topics. But not for today…
Thanks for my spiritual director and personal coach (yes, I have both right now!), I have been thinking about two topics that are quite linked – What is God telling you by how you view God? And How to be authentic at work…so as this all is happening today at LAX, I think bingo! This is it!
I feel more comfortable being me – the jeans, sweatshirt, the caring, sweet, passionate church girl from Ohio that loves Chicago more than anything – I think that is the real me. Something that God is constantly asking of me – don’t pretend, Krista, just be you. That’s my image of me.
When I put on tights or even pantyhose and a skirt and look like a business woman, I feel like I am lying in a way….or when I go to these meetings and think – I can’t believe they want my opinion on this, or what do you mean this is solely my decision, or when people are nervous about how I might see them, I can’t believe it – because I don’t see me being anything but passionate church Chicago girl in jeans – that is what I want people to see.
But the thing is….it was me that flew all those freaking miles to get the “I’m special at Southwest ‘cause I fly a lot” card, I secretly like tights enough to wear them under pants sometimes, I am good at working through issues that I am asked to, I am good at paying attention to details in a mulitude of places, I wrote a book (in my jeans, but its. A. book.), I am good at what I do in my skirt and my tights.
Maybe I feel like I have left my true, my whole self out, because I don’t really acknowledge that I, in crass terms, “know my shit” instead of my previously held idea that people needed to learn to know me to find the sweet, compassionate, Chicago loving girl inside. Until I claim the power and respect that I already have, maybe I can’t be content in my skirt or my jeans.
Maybe I should do more tight wearing under my jeans……

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