Thoughts on fostering

While I think we are saner people this time around, I wonder if every placement will bring my privilege to the forefront.  I wonder if I have anything to offer BB, what do I know of hardship?  Will I just force BB to try to live up to middle class standards?  This time around I have been thinking about much we aren't giving BB that we gave before - partially out of our financial situation currently, but also out of understanding that overwhelming a child with too much new at one time. 

Tonight, we celebrated BB's birthday at a wings place because he told us his favorite food was wings.  We went and during the meal we gave him a small gift card and he was able to get anything off the menu.  They brought ice cream - as their birthday token.  I forget that going out to eat can be a new experience.  Seriously, the idea that we needed to wait for a table with a buzzer in my pocket seemed crazy to BB - and it sorta is but that is what we have learned to do, right?  One time BB got up for what I assumed was a trip to the bathroom but no, BB went to the other side of the place and tapped the shoulder of the waitress and asked her to fill up BB's drink.  BB really didn't know that while not wrong, its not expected that one does that. 

Fostering brings up so many questions for me.  How do I affirm the child's culture and family, while helping the child think about where to go from here?  Am I just turning kid's into middle class white folks?  That probably isn't helpful.  I know that the way we do things in my house isn't the only way, but in my house there are some rules that are probably more class tied that morally tied.

Tonight, we had a conversation about the rules of the house.  We waited to give the rules several weeks during the first foster family we had, and we decided to keep it.  We get to know each other - what will be our issues with said child and can make specific agreements for that child.  We also ask for rules from the child how they might want us to act as parents.  (I used to use this in my parenting class back in Colorado.)  These are BB's:

1. To be understanding of BB
2. To talk to BB like a real person. 
3. Listen to BB when he needs to.
4. Respect BB at all times.
5. Don't dump too much on BB at one time.

Beautiful!  I hope I can live up to these, as I signed a paper saying I would.

Goals for 2013

I would like to intentionally write more. (Thanks Dana and Callie for helping my get back my writing bug.)

I would like to make sure I am intentional about what I do.

Where I was

 Jan 1, 2012 -

I don't remember exactly but I was three days from finding out I was pregnant...having a hard time being a mom to the kids in my home, and feeling a bit overwhelmed.

Hashtag

If 2012 was a hastag what would it be?

#godshapingamomoutofme

Giving up (stuff)

What did I give up?

Tomatoes - that was not fun - what's summer without a good tomato?
The need to not delegate - oh, the gift of pregnancy

Who surprised you?

Jade, Chris, Jim, Mattie, Benjamin R and my Benjamin
Dr. MacDuff, Oreon, Naomi, Eileen, and Nadia

Time spent

Where did I spend my time?
Oh, at work....for sure.  But I lot of time on maternity leave was spent at home too.

I made...

Obviously, a baby…

But less obviously, breakfasts for 75 people, probably 30 or so loaves of bread, binders of information, more binders, a new respect for a couple of people,  a reflection room at work, reservations, flavored water, a Pinterest account, soup, money.

I am so proud of my sister's new brick and mortar store after years of building a customer base at farmer's markets - that we made this meme for the opening.  I am planning for Benjamin's first ever cake experience to be at the store - not anytime soon! 

Gifts, given and recieved

I was given the gift of learning that I can’t do it all, a limit, and people to lovingly help remind me of that.

I was given the gift of loving enough to let go.

I was given the gift of Benjamin – and the gift of seeing people care for him that I never would have imagined, the gift of reinvention of family through him, and the financial gift of maternity leave from work.

I gave the gift of life – that sounds high and mighty – but I did.

I gave a gift of a Pandora charm to someone who really really wanted it as a token of my utmost appreciation for her.

I gave the gift of listening to several and gave hugs to others.

What did I learn?

I learned:

Importance of feeling at home with some people, but not all; what morning sickness is all about, and the incredible feeling of belonging

Importance of delegation, the high I get from empowering others, and how to parent a teenager

That I stop learning when I am overwhelmed, and how to find time to read when a baby is in the house

How to date my husband again, and that sometimes leaving work at work is amazing

How Benjamin is soothed by me singing musical scales, and how many people want to talk and hold a baby even if they don’t know me

How much I never knew I wanted a home and how much I was willing for fight for all the children in my home

How to breastfeed, where to find contact paper at the store, and how to cook for a month without a stove.

How much of life is gut reaction, and how to stare at my baby for hours

New Guy

Who came into your life in 2012?

This little guy:

Decisions

What was the best decision I made?

Not sure.  Maybe hire Jade, maybe buy the house we bought, maybe the name of my son, maybe trusting that something good would come, maybe saying “Sure, I will try doing it that way…”

Anger

While I can usually write my feelings better than saying them – I am still so angry about my angry moment that I am not sure I can actually express them here. 

What I will say – I saw racist behavior this year that was horrific and I am angry that behaviors still exist and more upset that I didn’t do more to stop it.

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Where did you see God?

When did you see God ?

Oh Lots…

I saw God in the work of a friend who goes beyond what anyone would expect to feed his neighbors. 

In DOOR participants

In church folks

In our interim pastor, mediating conflicts and helping our church create our new identity

In Holland, MI

In Benjamin looking at me, like I know what to do as a mother to an infant. J

Me Whimsical?

What’s the most whimsical/spontaneous/ridiculous thing you did?

I often would pick up the boys from daycare and take them to McDonald’s playland.  Their excitement for such things was amazing.  (This category should be my growing edge for 2013.)